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月份: 2023 年 9 月
Parenting Tips
Written by: Education expert, Principal Cheung Wai jing
At a talent recruitment event for a large multinational company, both Siu Cheung and Siu Choi successfully passed the initial and follow-up interviews. They stood out from over 100 competitors. Whether it was written tests or communication skills, both were equally impressive, leaving the human resources department’s evaluators in a dilemma, as the company would only hire one person.
In the end, the company manager decided to personally interview both candidates. Surprisingly, after just a few minutes, the manager chose to hire Siu Cheung. When asked for the reason, the manager candidly stated, “The reason is simple. When I was speaking to them, Siu Cheung maintained eye contact with me the whole time, while Siu Choi was looking around, indicating that he wasn’t good at actively listening to others. Being adept at listening and respecting clients is a crucial requirement for a sales supervisor.”
Expressing Sincerity and Respect through Eye Contact
This example illustrates a straightforward lesson: eyes are the windows to the soul, and people use their gaze to convey a range of emotions such as respect, attention, disdain, and indifference. Therefore, maintaining consistent eye contact during conversations signifies your sincerity. Moreover, those who can attentively focus on others' words without shifting their gaze will naturally earn gratitude and respect from others.
Schools often organize activities centered around the theme of “politeness” to
encourage students to be courteous to others. “Others” includes not only family members, elders, teachers, and fellow students but also unfamiliar people. Children should learn early on about polite phrases like “good morning”; and “thank you” but many still don’t proactively greet others, let alone observe other daily life etiquette. Schools focus on teaching students how to behave politely when interacting with teachers and peers in the school setting; the rest relies on family education.
The example of “job hunting” mentioned above might not be applicable to elementary school students for the time being, but they also frequently have opportunities for interviews. If they want to leave a good impression on others, children must learn to use their eyes to show their attention and respect when conversing with others. Therefore, parents need to teach children the skills and art of listening. Of course, when parents listen to their children, they should also give them appropriate respect and attention. This way, children will learn that politeness in interpersonal interactions knows no age or status boundaries. Here are three listening tips:
- When listening to someone, avoid looking around and instead focus on the person’s eyes.
- When you understand or share the same sentiment, use your eyes to communicate and show agreement.
- Gazing at someone doesn’t mean staring fixedly at them; doing so can actually come across as impolite.
In literature, characters are often described as having “eyes that speak.” In reality, everyone has eyes like that; as long as we utilize them well, they can be more persuasive than the words we speak.
家長錦囊
撰文：教育專家張偉菁校長
在一個大型跨國公司的人才招聘會上，小張和小蔡都成功通過初試和複試，他倆是從 100 多名的競爭對手中脫穎而出的。無論筆試還是談吐，雙方都不相上下，人事部的選拔「考官」左右為難，因為公司只會招聘其中一人。
最後，公司經理決定親自對兩個人進行一次面試，令人意想不到的是，只花了幾分鐘的時間，經理就決定了錄用小張。當被問及原因時，經理很坦率地說：「理由很簡單，當我在和他們說話時，小張一直注視著我的眼睛，而小蔡卻左顧右盼，可見他並不善於傾聽別人談話。而善於傾聽和尊重客戶是一個銷售主管應具備的首要條件。」
用眼睛表示出誠意與尊重
這個事例說明的道理很簡單，眼睛是心靈的窗戶，人們藉目光表達豐富的感情，像是尊重、關注、蔑視和不以為然等等。所以與別人面談時，時時注視對方的眼睛會表示出你的誠意。同時，懂得目不轉睛地關注別人談話的人，也必會受到別人的感激與尊重。
學校經常舉辦以「禮貌」為主題的活動，目的是喚起同學們對別人的禮貌。「別人」除指家人、長輩、老師和同學等認識的人之外，也應包括不認識的人。孩子們早應知道「早晨」和「謝謝」等禮貌用語，但有很多孩子還是不會主動向人打招呼，更何況是其他日常生活上的禮儀呢？學校針對的當然是一個學生在校與師長和同學相處時的禮貌，其他的就有賴家庭教育了。
上文所提「見工」的例子，小學生當然暫不適用，但他們亦經常有面試的機會。如果要予人一個好的印象，孩子必須學習用眼神展現出他對別人談話的關注與尊重。所以父母要教導孩子傾聽的技巧與藝術，當然父母在聆聽孩子的說話時，更加要給予他們適當的尊重與關注，這樣孩子便學懂與人相處的禮貌是無分年齡與身分的。以下是三個聆聽小錦囊：
- 聆聽別人說話時，不要左顧右盼，要看著對方的眼睛
- 當聽明白或與對方有同感時，要用眼睛與人交流，表示贊同
- 注視對方不代表要目不轉睛地「死盯」著對方，這樣做反而會顯得不太禮貌
小說經常用「有一雙會說話的眼睛」來形容筆下人物的聰慧可人，其實人人都有這樣的一雙眼，只要善加利用，它會比我們嘴裡吐出的說話更有說服力。
高班學生和家長在9月7日分別參觀了東華三院港九電器商聯會小學及東華三院馬錦燦紀念小學，體驗了一天的小學學習活動，有航空探知體驗、Steam、英語、體能等等活動。每位小朋友也表示新奇又有趣，十分投入在活動當中！期待下一次和其他小學的交流活動！
「小朋友你們有去過動物園嗎？」老師以問答的形式與小朋友打開話匣子，「原來今日我們要說的繪本故事名叫《洛洛到動物園去》」，老師以書面語形式朗讀繪本，小朋友一邊指讀，一邊用手勢去扮演大象長長的鼻子! 透過師生之間的互動及聆聽，既可以提高小朋友的學習興趣，亦能夠訓練他們朗讀的技巧。
東華三院徐展堂幼稚園鼓勵從遊戲中學習，「戲劇」令小朋友寓學習於玩樂，提升小朋友的學習興趣。在演戲的過程中，他們能夠連結日常生活的經驗，易地而處地理解別人的感受，運用肢體語言打破自我中心的局限，抒發情緒，將學科知識與品德情操結合，有助小朋友全面發展。
各位可於以下連結欣賞活動花絮：
新學年開始了，祝願各位小朋友身體健康、精乖伶俐，迎接新的學習生活！
而高班亦要開始準備升小選校階段了。
早前，本校莫春蘭校長接受了星島《親子王》專訪，分享本校在幼小銜接的經驗和心得。
家長可細閱以下內文，希望對大家有所幫助！
Parenting Tips
Written by: Marriage and Family Therapist, Child Play Therapist, Lee Wai Zi
Whenever a child is born, it brings about changes to the family. Many times, parents, caught up in taking care of and disciplining their children, can easily overlook the quality of their own marital life. Over time, marital life becomes reduced to a pile of responsibilities and pressures. I once heard a friend say that when he comes home from work every day, it’s like an assembly line of checking his children’s homework, supervising their studies, while his wife takes care of their meals and routines. By the time the two of them can rest, it’s often late at night. Even if there’s still energy left to exchange a few words with his wife, the topic tends to revolve around their children’s academic performance and achievements. Sometimes, there isn’t even enough time left for their own rest, let alone considering their spouse’s needs.
Many couples facing difficulties in their marriage tend to attribute the problems in their relationship to the birth of their children. Generally, people believe that this is due to differing expectations and parenting methods between parents, or unequal distribution of roles and responsibilities in raising children, leading to conflicts in the relationship. However, the vast majority of couples express that they don’t necessarily need their partner to agree with their thoughts or actions. The key issue is that when they face the stress of parenting and various life pressures, they often don’t feel valued, supported, and accepted by their spouse. This leads both sides into a state of loneliness and helplessness, gradually eroding trust and emotional connection.
Differing educational philosophies and methods between spouses are ordinary and natural. However, during the process of parenting, parents are prone to repetitively using ineffective and destructive methods to deal with their differences, inadvertently creating a negative cycle of interaction within the relationship. For example, a wife might complain in front of her husband that the child doesn’t listen, and might even reproach her husband for not helping to share the responsibilities of household chores and parenting. The wife’s expression of dissatisfaction is aimed at making the husband understand her concerns and troubles, and hoping to receive his support and comfort.
However, husbands often only receive criticism and blame from their wives. In order to protect themselves from getting hurt, they might remain silent or explain and defend themselves repeatedly, hoping for understanding and acceptance from their wives. The more husbands explain, the less valued and understood their wives might feel, leading to more accusations. And the more wives accuse, the more helpless husbands might feel, causing them to further evade and defend. Both spouses are participants in this negative cycle of interaction and victims of this cycle as well. If parents don’t promptly address and resolve the deadlock in their relationship, not only will the problems persist and worsen, but it could also ultimately impact their children.
The well-being of the family and the children relies on a strong emotional connection between the spouses. Therefore, for the sake of themselves and their children, it’s worth spending more time nurturing the love between partners. As long as the marital relationship is harmonious, children can naturally grow up healthy and happy.
家長錦囊
撰文：婚姻及家庭治療師、兒童遊戲治療師李慧芝
每當有孩子出世，都會為家庭帶來轉變。很多時候，父母因忙於照顧及管教子女，都會容易忽略自己婚姻生活的質素，久而久之，夫妻生活變得只剩下一堆責任和壓力。筆者曾經聽過一位朋友說，他每天下班回家，都是流水作業式地替子女檢查功課，督導孩子溫習，太太則照顧他們的飲食和作息，到了夫婦倆可以休息的時候，往往已是夜深，即使還有餘力和太太談上幾句，說的都只是子女的學業成績和表現。有時甚至連自己休息的時間尚且不夠，更莫說要關心和回應配偶的需要。
很多婚姻關係出現困難的夫婦，他們都不約而同地認為他們關係出現問題，是由子女出世後開始。一般人會認為，這是因為父母對子女的期望和教育方法不同，又或在培育子女的角色和責任上分配不均，而導致關係的衝突。然而，絕大多數的夫婦卻表示，他們不一定要對方認同自己的想法或做法，問題的關鍵在於當他們面對育兒及各種生活壓力時，往往因為感受不到配偶的重視、支持和接納，以致雙方都陷入孤單和無助的境況，漸漸地破壞彼此間的信任和情感連結。
夫妻間有不同的教育理念和方法，本是很平常和自然的事。但在育兒的過程中，父母容易重複以無效和具破壞性的方法，處理彼此的分歧，令關係不知不覺地形成負向互動循環。例如妻子會在丈夫面前抱怨孩子不聽話，甚至埋怨丈夫沒有幫忙分擔家事和育兒的責任，太太表達不滿的目的是希望丈夫明白自己的憂慮和困擾，並得到丈夫的支持和安慰。
然而，丈夫往往只能接收到太太的批評和指責，而為了保護自己免受傷害，他們或許會默不作聲，或是多番解釋和替自己辯護，期望得到太太的體諒和接納。丈夫愈解釋，太太就愈感到不被重視和明白，因而愈加指責。而太太愈指責，又會令丈夫愈感到無助，並愈加逃避和防衛。
夫婦倆既是這負向互動循環中的一員，又是互動循環下的受害者。假如父母沒有及時正視和處理關係的僵局，不但會令問題持續和惡化，最終也可能會苦了孩子。家庭和孩子的健康，建基於夫婦倆穩固的情感連結。因此，為了自己和孩子，不妨花多點時間孕育與伴侶間的愛情。只要父母婚姻美滿，孩子自然能健康快樂地成長。