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家長園地

Three steps to teach children to eat on their own

Parenting Tips

12-9

Written by: Senior Parenting Specialist,Bally

When children go to school, they have to eat on their own. It is not an easy challenge to teach children to eat well, as they have to eat attentively and refrain from playing with food. In fact, parents only need three steps to teach their children to eat on their own.

First, parents need to teach their children to eat on their own. Parents are frequently anxious for their children to finish their meals quickly, fearing that they will not eat and will have to be fed by their parents. In fact, starting at 6 months of age, children should get used to using their own hands to put food in their mouths, with parents only assisting them.

Parents should let their children pick up the utensils and eat by themselves so that they do not just get fed but also get a sense of participation and motivation to eat.

Second, help children with hand-eye coordination. Sometimes children may not be able to  hold the utensils properly because of their own hand-eye coordination issues and may be angry and not eat. Parents can use words to remind children how to move the utensils backwards and forwards, or they can train children’s coordination skills on a daily basis so  that they can cope with the challenges of eating on their own and reduce the difficulties they encounter.

Third, give praise and encouragement. Children will inevitably encounter difficulties and frustrations when learning to eat. If parents keep scolding, “Why is it so messy?” “Why do you eat so slowly?” Naturally, children will not be able to enjoy food and will not eat on their own initiative for fear of being scolded when they see food.

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If parents provide encouragement at this time and praise their children when they do, they will continue to be courageous and overcome the frustration of learning to eat. Parents should also remember that when children are eating on their own, don’t clean up after them, as this will prevent them from trying to eat on their own.

In addition, parents often misunderstand that their children do not eat. In fact, children just don’t like certain dishes, and if parents force them to eat, it forms a vicious cycle.

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教導小朋友自己進食三步曲

家長錦囊

12-9

撰文:資深親職教育專家Bally

小朋友上學後,便要自己進食。但要教好小朋友吃飯,絕對是一個不容易的挑戰,既要他們吃得專心,又要防止他們玩食物。其實父母只需3步就可以教導小朋友自律的進食。

第一,父母需要教小朋友自己進食。很多時候家長都會很心急,想子女快點吃完飯,怕他不吃飯,導致變成家長餵食。其實由6個月開始,便應該要讓小朋友習慣用自己手,將食物放進口裡,家長只是在旁輔助他。

家長讓小朋友自己拿起餐具進食,讓孩子在進食時不是一味地被餵食,而是能夠從中獲得參與感,從而令他們有動力進食。

第二,協助小朋友手眼協調。有時間小朋友會因自己手眼不協調,無法拿好餐具而賭氣不吃飯。家長可用說話提醒小朋友如何前後左右移動餐具,另外亦可在日常中訓練小朋友的協調能力,讓他們能夠自己應付進食時的挑戰,減少他們遇到的困難。

第三,給予讚賞鼓勵。小朋友在學習進食時難免會遇到困難和挫折,若家長不斷指責「點解食到周圍都係?」「點解咁污糟?」「點解食得咁慢?」小朋友自然無法享受食物,見到食物便會害怕被責罵,便不會主動自己食飯。

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如果家長在這時間給予鼓勵,並在孩子做到時稱讚他們,就能令他們繼續勇於嘗試,完服學習進食時的挫折。家長亦要謹記小朋友自己吃飯時,不要一邊清潔,這會阻礙小朋友自己嘗試吃飯。

另外,家長很多時候會誤以為小朋友不吃飯,是因為某碟菜式他不喜歡吃,然後強逼他進食,形成惡性循環。

千萬種謊言逃避做功課 家長如何是好?

家長錦囊

12

撰文:家庭動力心理輔導員賴舜薇

小朋友每次做功課,都訛稱自己肚痛、要上洗手間或想睡覺,千萬種謊言與藉口。重視品格培養的家長自然會感到嬲怒,因為他們對子女不誠實的行為都是零容忍的。但為甚麼孩子總是逃避做功課?為甚麼他們又要以謊言去掩飾呢?

小朋友逃避做功課,很多時不是他們不願意做,而是做不到。小朋友都會希望自己又乖巧又聰明,但當他們發現自己做不到功課,便會認為自己不夠聰明。他無法接受,便會以說謊來掩飾和逃避。一般而言,智力正常但有學習障礙的小朋友,他們的學業表現都會受到一定程度的影響,但在其他方面,他們一樣可以表現出色。而且不論他們智力水平高低,只要使用對的方法,加上適量訓練,他們亦能建立相應能力。

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但人為甚麼會說謊呢?當一個人覺得自己處於不安的環境時,便會啟動防衛機制保護自己。而說謊便是其中一種以逃避方式來應對危機的表現。如果家長希望幫到子女,便要讓他勇於說真話,這樣家長才能理解子女真正不明白的地方。

如何令子女勇於說真說話?你要讓子女知道,即使他不夠聰明,你依然會這麼愛她,以他為喜樂,對他有耐性,並且會一起想辦法協助他解決困難,從而建立他的安全感,讓他安心透露內心的不明白與困難。但相反,若其經驗令他認為因他不夠聰明,會引來媽媽對他發脾氣及埋怨,他便不敢說真話,甚至啟動自我保護機制,用大人一看便能拆穿的謊言保護自己。

這時候孩子不但無法保護自己,更會惹來更大的麻煩,因為媽媽會更生氣,便會主動認錯,又會承諾不再說謊。惟事實上,他功課的困難並未解決,形成造成惡性循環。因此,我們鼓勵家長學習接納子女的不足,令子女對你有信心,覺得安全,自然對你敞開心扉。

Thousands of lies to avoid doing homework. What should parents do?

Parenting Tips

12

Written by: Family Dynamics, Psychological Counselor, Lai Shun Mei

Every time a child does homework, he or she falsely claims to have a stomachache, to go   to the bathroom, or to go to sleep—thousands of lies and excuses. Parents who value character development are naturally outraged because they have zero tolerance for dishonesty in their children. But why do children always avoid doing their homework? Why do they have to lie to cover it up?

Often, children avoid doing homework not because they don’t want to, but because they can’t. Children want to be good and smart, but when they find out they can’t do their homework, they think they are not smart enough. When they find out they can’t do their homework, they think they are not smart enough. They can’t accept this and will lie to cover it up and avoid it. Generally speaking, children with normal intelligence but learning disabilities will have their academic performance affected to some degree, but they can perform well in other areas as well. Regardless of their intelligence level, with the right approach and the right amount of training, they will be able to develop the appropriate skills.

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But why do people tell lies? When a person feels that he or she is in an uncomfortable situation, he or she will activate the defense mechanism to protect himself or herself. Lying is one of the ways to escape a crisis. If parents want to help their children, they need to give them the courage to tell the truth so that they can understand what their children really don’t understand.

How do you get your child to be brave enough to tell the truth? You need to let your child know that even if he or she is not smart enough, you will still love him or her so much, take pleasure in him or her, be patient with him or her, and work together to help him or her solve their problems, thus building his or her sense of security and giving him or her the peace of mind to reveal his or her innermost doubts and difficulties. But on the contrary, if his experience makes him think that he is not smart enough, which will lead to his mother’s anger and complaints, he will not dare to tell the truth and even activate his self-protection mechanism to protect himself with lies that adults can uncover at first glance.

Not only will the child be unable to protect himself, but he will also get into more trouble  because the mother will be rehabilitated and will admit her fault and promise not to lie fore, we encourage parents to learn to accept their children’s shortcomings so that they will have confidence in you and feel safe to open up to you.