Improving Children’s “Slow” Attitude Toward Tasks
Provided by: Unleashing Mind Professional Counselling Academy Psychotherapist Lee Wai-Tong
Often, impatient parents find themselves with children who move at a “slow” pace. For example, a little girl might be lying in bed when her mother calls her: “Get up, change your clothes…” But she continues to lie there. The anxious mother, unable to bear the ticking clock, might exclaim, “It’s too late!” and proceed to pull out clothes and accessories. Even if the girl stays lying down, her mother may lift her up to change her clothes and brush her teeth. In this process, the girl learns that by remaining unresponsive, her mother will ultimately do everything for her. This becomes a “reward” in her eyes, leading to a vicious cycle.
Thus, we often think it’s time for the child to speed up and learn to do things independently, rather than having the mother constantly urging her on or even helping her. At this moment, both sides face significant challenges. First, the mother must learn to control her anger. After all, this isn’t just a one-time issue; past experiences can leave a deep imprint on her. So, when she anticipates the next morning’s struggle to wake her daughter, she may already feel frustrated and impatient. With such feelings, it becomes difficult for her to give her daughter the space to dress herself. The first thing the mother needs to learn is self-regulation. What does that mean? It starts with telling herself, “Let’s start over.”
Secondly, the girl has learned that lying in bed without moving for a while will lead her mother to help her. Thus, for the daughter to find it easier to act, the mother must control her anger and allow her space to get dressed. Additionally, parents can offer rewards; for instance, they could designate the upcoming week as “Get Up by Yourself Week.” If the daughter can wake up and brush her teeth within 20 minutes, she could earn a reward, such as candy or an extra five minutes of playtime with her toys. This way, the daughter feels more motivated, and with her mother giving her space, she will gradually learn to do it herself.
After all the children finish their cake, they begin to play together. When Huen sees Cheng has a new toy car, he asks to borrow it, and Cheng agrees. Later, when Cheng sees Huen with a very special toy car and asks to borrow it, Huen flatly refuses. The mother tries to gently persuade Huen, but unexpectedly, he throws a tantrum, accusing her of only supporting Cheng, and tosses aside the car he had borrowed from Cheng, leading to an awkward situation. The author then asks at what age Huen began to display this behavior. His mother replies, “Actually, he started behaving like this at five years old. I thought it would improve as he grew older, but it has only gotten worse.”
