Are You Fearful of Answering Calls from School?

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Written by: Heep Hong Society Educational Psychologist Team

 

During a parents’ meeting, Mrs. Wong expressed her fear of receiving calls addressed to her as “Mrs. Wong,” as they are usually from her son Didi’s class teacher. Each time, the call revolves around complaints about Didi’s unusual behavior in class—either he frequently leaves his seat or disrupts his classmates during lessons. On rare occasions when he stays in his seat, she hopes for some quiet, but within 15 minutes, he becomes active again, and his disruptive behavior resumes. The most frustrating issue for the teacher is Didi’s noticeable lack of focus compared to his peers. He cannot concentrate for long during lessons; even the sound of a classmate coughing or whispering is enough to distract him, especially in dull classes where his attention drops rapidly.

 

Didi is also an impulsive child. There was an incident when a classmate sitting next to him accidentally kicked him, and he immediately retaliated with his fists. He often speaks without thinking, which frequently embarrasses those around him. Over time, not only do many teachers dislike him, but his classmates also find him very annoying. As a result, during recess, Didi often finds himself alone. Each day he comes home and complains to his mother about how unhappy he is because no one wants to play with him, and each time she hears this, her heart aches. She patiently talks to Didi, hoping he will realize his mistakes and change, but the calls from school continue without interruption.

 

 

 

 

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Compared to other children his age, Didi has a shorter attention span, is unusually hyperactive, and exhibits many behavioral problems. Due to his impulsivity, he may be a child with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Parents who notice similar signs in their children should seek evaluation and assistance as soon as possible. The earlier children receive help, the more their difficulties in learning and socializing can be alleviated.

 

 
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你也害怕接聽學校電話嗎?

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撰文:協康會青蔥計劃心理學家團隊

 

在家長的會面中,黃太說她很害怕接一些稱呼她「黃太」的電話,皆因多半是兒子迪迪的班主任打來,每次都離不開投訴迪迪上課時的異常行為,不是經常離開座位,便是騷擾同學上課。難得他留在座位上,以為可以安靜下來,惟不消15分鐘,他又再活躍起來,搗蛋的行為接二連三再來。最令老師頭痛是,迪迪在課堂裡的專注力明顯地比其他同學弱,他無法長久地專注課堂,連同學咳嗽或低聲說話的聲音足以令他分心,尤其是一些比較沉悶的課堂,他的專注力馬上如坐滑梯般急速下降。

 

迪迪亦是一個很衝動的孩子。曾經有一次坐在鄰座的同學不小心踢到他,他便立刻以拳頭作報復。他說話時亦不加思考,因而常常令到身邊的人感到非常難堪。久而久之,不但令很多老師不喜歡他,連同學都非常厭惡他。因此,迪迪在小息時,往往都是自己一個人。迪迪每天回家都向媽媽投訴他很不開心,因為沒有同學願意和他玩,媽媽每次聽後都覺得很心酸。媽媽每次都耐心地跟迪迪傾談,希望他會從中領悟自己的錯處而改過,但學校投訴的電話,仍然是從不間斷。

 

 

 

 

 

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相較一般同齡的兒童,迪迪的專注力較短,而且異常好動,行為問題又多,加上很容易衝動,他可能是一名患有「專注力不足及過度活躍症」(ADHD)的孩子。家長若發現孩子有同樣的表徵,應盡快尋求評估及協助,因孩子愈早得到協助,他們在學習及社交上遇到的困難亦會相對地減少。

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Improving Children’s “Slow” Attitude Toward Tasks

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Provided by: Unleashing Mind Professional Counselling Academy Psychotherapist Lee Wai-Tong

 

Often, impatient parents find themselves with children who move at a “slow” pace. For example, a little girl might be lying in bed when her mother calls her: “Get up, change your clothes…” But she continues to lie there. The anxious mother, unable to bear the ticking clock, might exclaim, “It’s too late!” and proceed to pull out clothes and accessories. Even if the girl stays lying down, her mother may lift her up to change her clothes and brush her teeth. In this process, the girl learns that by remaining unresponsive, her mother will ultimately do everything for her. This becomes a “reward” in her eyes, leading to a vicious cycle.

 

Thus, we often think it’s time for the child to speed up and learn to do things independently, rather than having the mother constantly urging her on or even helping her. At this moment, both sides face significant challenges. First, the mother must learn to control her anger. After all, this isn’t just a one-time issue; past experiences can leave a deep imprint on her. So, when she anticipates the next morning’s struggle to wake her daughter, she may already feel frustrated and impatient. With such feelings, it becomes difficult for her to give her daughter the space to dress herself. The first thing the mother needs to learn is self-regulation. What does that mean? It starts with telling herself, “Let’s start over.”

 

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Secondly, the girl has learned that lying in bed without moving for a while will lead her mother to help her. Thus, for the daughter to find it easier to act, the mother must control her anger and allow her space to get dressed. Additionally, parents can offer rewards; for instance, they could designate the upcoming week as “Get Up by Yourself Week.” If the daughter can wake up and brush her teeth within 20 minutes, she could earn a reward, such as candy or an extra five minutes of playtime with her toys. This way, the daughter feels more motivated, and with her mother giving her space, she will gradually learn to do it herself.

 

After all the children finish their cake, they begin to play together. When Huen sees Cheng has a new toy car, he asks to borrow it, and Cheng agrees. Later, when Cheng sees Huen with a very special toy car and asks to borrow it, Huen flatly refuses. The mother tries to gently persuade Huen, but unexpectedly, he throws a tantrum, accusing her of only supporting Cheng, and tosses aside the car he had borrowed from Cheng, leading to an awkward situation. The author then asks at what age Huen began to display this behavior. His mother replies, “Actually, he started behaving like this at five years old. I thought it would improve as he grew older, but it has only gotten worse.”

 

 

小朋友做事「慢吞吞」的態度

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資料提供:心啟晴專業輔導學院李偉堂心理治療師

 

其實很多時比較心急的父母都容易有一個做事「慢吞吞」的小朋友,例如女孩子睡在床上,媽媽叫她:「起床了、換衣服…」,但她繼續睡在這裡,心急的媽媽就忍不著看時鐘說:「不行了」,於是便拿出衣服、飾物,就算她仍躺著,也會主動抬起她替她換衣服,又會抱起她為她刷牙。在這個過程,這個女孩子就學了一樣東西,就是發覺原來繼續躺在床上沒任何回應,最後媽媽還是會幫她完成所有東西,對她來說這是一個「獎勵」,我們所說的惡性循環就是這樣形成的。

 

所以很多時我們都想,是時候要孩子做快點,要她自己完成,而不是媽媽在旁邊不斷叫她,甚至忍不住幫她完成,這一刻兩方面都遇到大挑戰。第一,媽媽開始學習控制自己的怒氣,畢竟她不是一次、兩次,可能過往的經驗都深深烙印在媽媽心裡,所以媽媽一想到明早一起床便要花上不少時間喚醒女兒,可能心裡已經很煩躁、不耐煩,抱著不耐煩和煩躁的心情,其實是很難給空間讓女兒自己穿衣服,所以第一樣媽媽要學習調節自己,甚麼叫調節呢?第一件事跟自己說:「我們重新開始吧。」

 

 

 

 

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第二是,女兒學會躺在床上不動一段時間,媽媽最後都是會幫她,所以對女兒來說,為了讓她容易一點做,媽媽要控制自己不要生氣,給空間她換衣服,二來家長要給她一點獎勵,例如未來的一個星期稱為「自己起床周」能夠在20分鐘內起床、刷牙,那麼她就有一點獎勵,可能是一些糖果或可多玩5分鐘玩具等,於是女兒的動力又大一點,媽媽又給予女兒空間,最後女兒就能夠慢慢做到。

 

當所有小朋友吃完蛋糕後,便開始一起玩。軒仔看到誠仔有架新的玩具車,便問誠仔借來玩,誠仔亦答應了他的要求。後來,誠仔看到軒仔有一架很特別的玩具車,於是問他借來看時,結果軒仔卻一口拒絕。媽媽對軒仔好言相勸,豈料軒仔大發脾氣,罵媽媽只幫著誠仔,並把向誠仔借的車拋在一旁,結果場面頗尷尬。筆者再問,軒仔在多大便開始出現這情況呢?他的媽媽說:「其實他在 5 歲便這樣,原以為當他長大後便會好轉,但沒料到更嚴重。」

 

 

Dealing with Children’s Emotions After a Pet’s Passing: Understanding Grief Therapy

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Pets, whether cats, dogs, or hamsters, are an integral part of the family and serve as wonderful companions for children as they grow up. However, pets will eventually leave us. While adults may find it easier to cope, for children, this may be their first significant encounter with the loss of a loved one.

According to a study conducted by Massachusetts General Hospital, which tracked over 6,000 children who experienced the loss of a pet, there is a correlation between the death of a pet or sudden separation and the subsequent onset of depression in children. Some cases showed that children continued to mourn their pets even three years after their death, ultimately being diagnosed with depression. This highlights that “how to cope with the loss of a pet” is an issue that needs to be taken seriously.

Registered psychologist Ching Wai-keung states that having a pet is a great opportunity for children to develop empathy, compassion, and a sense of responsibility. Generally, parents can consider allowing children aged 2-3 to start caring for a pet. However, while enjoying the joyful moments with pets, parents should also prepare their children for the grief associated with loss.

 

 

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Ching Wai-keung notes that when children face the loss of a pet, they may exhibit emotional outbursts. In addition to crying and being upset, they may also show regressive behavior or feel guilt and self-blame. Parents should encourage children to express their emotions to prevent them from internalizing negative feelings, which could lead to further invisible trauma. To help ease children’s emotions, parents can try the following methods:

  1. Be Honest

Parents should honestly explain to their children why the pet has passed away, rather than trying to deceive them with lies. Phrases like “The puppy ran away” or “The cat will come back later” can create more confusion for the child. It is the parents’ responsibility to teach their children to recognize their emotions rather than divert their attention.

  1. Show Understanding

Comments like “It’s just a dog; why get so upset?” or “Just get another one” may lead children to undervalue their emotions, thinking they can simply replace their pet with money. Instead, parents should express understanding of the child’s sadness, sharing that they feel the same way. This encourages children to articulate their feelings and release negative emotions. Additionally, providing more hugs can help give children a sense of security.

  1. Accompany Them in Farewell

Parents should participate with their children in a “pet farewell ceremony.” This could involve creating a memorial, organizing pet photos, or sorting through daily items, giving children the opportunity to say “goodbye” to their pet rather than ignoring the loss.

 

寵物離世 如何處理小孩情緒?學習什麼是衰傷治療?

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寵物,無論貓、狗、倉鼠,都是家中一分子,更是陪伴小朋友成長的好玩伴。可是,寵物總有一天會離開我們,成年人可能比較易消化,但對小朋友來說,可能是其人生中第一次面對生離死別的重大衝擊。

 

根據美國麻省總醫院,追蹤超過6000名有失去寵物經驗的兒童的研究指,面對過寵物死亡/突然離別的小朋友,與其後出現抑鬱症有關聯性。部分個案兒童更於寵物死後3年仍然耿耿於懷,最終被診斷患上抑鬱症。可見「如何面對寵物離別」,是一項需要認真對待的議題。

 

註冊心理學家程衞強表示,飼養寵物是培養小朋友同理心、愛心及責任感的好機會,一般而言家長可以考慮讓2-3歲的幼兒開始飼養寵物。但在享受與寵物相處的快樂時光之際,亦要為小朋友面對生離死別做好哀傷治療。

 

 

 

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程衞強指出,小朋友在面生離死別時,可能會鬧情緒,除了哭鬧不停之外,或者會行為倒退、甚或感到內疚自責。父母應鼓勵小朋友表達情緒,以防他們將負面情緒收在心內,造成更多無形的創傷。想適當緩解小朋友情緒,可以試試以下方法:

 

1.坦白

 

父母應坦白向小朋友解釋寵物因故離開,不要意圖用謊言去瞞騙小朋友,例如:「小狗離家出走了」、「貓貓遲啲會返嚟走」,這樣會令小朋友產生更多困惑,父母的責任在於教導孩子認識自己的情緒,而非轉移視視線。

 

2.表示理解

 

「一隻狗咋,要咁激動咩?」、「買過隻囉」,這些說話可能令小朋友不再重視情感,而認為只要有錢就可以有替代品。反之,父母應向小朋友表示理解其傷心,自己亦有相同感覺,令小朋友敢與說出自己感受,紓發負面情緒,亦可以多擁抱小朋友,讓他們有安全感。

 

3.陪伴告別

 

父母應與小朋加一起參與「寵物告別式」,例如裝作紀念品、或一起整理寵物照片、日常用品等,讓小朋友有機會跟寵物說「再見」,而非大家若無其事。

 

 

Master These 3 Tips to Help Your Children Follow Instructions!

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“Why don’t you listen?” “Look at how well-behaved that child is.” Have you ever found these phrases familiar? The issue of children not listening is a common problem that many parents struggle to resolve. Some parents resort to scolding, which can worsen the parent-child relationship, while others choose to ignore the behavior, fearing their children will become worse as they grow up.

If you want your children to grow up healthy and happy while also being able to follow instructions, it’s actually not difficult—the key lies in the hands of the parents.

  1. Avoid Bombarding with Demands

Put yourself in their shoes. Imagine that when you arrive at work, your boss immediately throws ten tasks at you. You would likely feel frustrated, unsure of where to start, and overwhelmed by the sheer volume of work. The same goes for children; receiving too many instructions at once can leave them feeling confused, and they may not have the ability to prioritize those tasks, leading them to simply “pretend not to hear.” Parents should wait for their children to complete one task before giving them another, rather than listing all demands at once.

  1. Avoid Using Interrogative Phrasing

 

Some parents like to give instructions in the form of questions, such as “How about you clean up after eating?” For children, this is not an instruction but rather a question that they can choose to ignore. If parents want their children to clean up after meals, they should say directly, “You need to clean up after eating.”

 

 

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  1. Choose a Time When Everyone is Focused

When to give instructions is also an important aspect. Sometimes, when children are watching TV or using their phones, they may not hear your instructions at all; they might just respond with a reflexive “Oh” or “Okay,” and then forget completely. Parents can wait until after the children have finished watching TV, or directly ask them for a minute of their attention to ensure that they understand the request. Additionally, when making requests, parents should also put aside other tasks to model focused communication for their children.

 

 

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學好3招,想小朋友聽指示其實唔難!

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「點解你咁唔聽話?」、「你睇吓阿邊個個小朋友幾乖」,有沒有覺得以上說話似曾相識?小朋友「唔聽話」,是很多父母想解決又解決不了的問題。部分父母會選擇責罵,令親子關係變差,部分父母選擇放手不管,但又怕小朋友「愈大愈壞」。

 

想小朋友健康快樂成長,又能夠適當服從指令,其實不難,關鍵就在於父母手中。

 

1.不要轟炸式提出要求

 

將心比己,假如你一回到公司,上司就向你提出十個工作要求,你也會變得心情欠佳。然後你會苦惱應該先做哪件事,又可能會覺得工作太多,壓力大增。小朋友也一樣,同時接收過多指令會讓他們感到無所適從,亦未必有能力分出指令的優先次序,於是索性「當聽唔到」。家長應該等小朋友先完成一件事,再吩咐第二件事,而非一口氣把所有要求說出。

 

2.不要用詢問語氣

 

有些家長喜歡用詢問句下指令,例如「食完飯不如自己打掃番好唔好啊」。對小朋友來說,這個不是一個指令,而是一個疑問,是可以選擇不做的。如果家長是想小朋友飯後自己收拾碗筷,應該直接說「食完飯要自己打掃番」。

 

 

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3.選一個大家都專心的時間

 

甚麼時候提出指令亦是一個重要的學問,有時小朋友在看電視或打手機時,你提出的指令他可能根本沒有聽到,只是反射式的「哦」、「好」,結果當然就是忘得一乾二淨。家長可以等小朋友看完電視,或直接要求小朋友給予自己一分鐘時間,確保小朋友有聽清楚自己的要求。此外,家長在提出要求時,亦應放下手上的其他事項,給小朋友樹立與人對話要專心的榜樣。

 

 

書寫能力小訓練

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撰文:嬰幼兒心理發展協會心理諮詢師程衛強先生

 

「他的字永遠都寫不到在線上,全部會『飛』的!」

「他的字都不能寫在格裡,通常一個字『霸』兩個格!」

「他寫字時經常跳行或跳格!」

「他寫字時好像不夠力似的,字跡淺得幾乎看不到了!」

 

這是都是很多孩子在K2學習寫字時的寫照。孩子在書寫時,需要很多能力的配合,最簡單的,是小手指肌肉的力量及靈活性(精細動作)。如果精細動作訓練不足,孩子可能會出現寫字或執筆無力等情況。家長可如何處理和訓練呢?很簡單,就是從小便讓他們多玩泥膠、黏土和麵粉等玩意。

 

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其次,視覺空間及眼球的控制,對抄寫也有一定的重要性。一般的球類活動是極佳的訓練項目,透過視覺追蹤並作出擊(或踢)球的動作,也是一個很天然和有趣的訓練。除此之外,找不同遊戲(找出兩幅圖畫的不同之處)、迷宮遊戲(先用眼找出路,然後才用筆連線)等,也對眼球的控制能力有所脾益。

 

在抄寫練習中,手眼協調當然也不可忽視!拋接豆袋、釣魚遊戲、倒水練習和剪紙等,對手眼協調幫助也很大。

 

些遊戲應該在甚麼時候開始進行?每天需要「操練」多久?其實,當這些遊戲在孩子懂得和能夠玩的時候,家長便可以與他們玩了。而且,家長應以孩子的意願為基礎,當孩子不想玩時,家長便應該轉換遊戲,而並不是硬性要求進行多久。筆者的理念是,透過日常的遊戲,孩子便可以獲得一定的技巧,避免問題出現,而不是進行補救式的操練。否則,多好的遊戲也會變得乏味無趣,是受苦多於享受吧!

 

Writing Skills Mini Training

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Article by Mr. Cheng Wai-keung, Psychological Counselor at the Infant and Toddler Psychological Development Association.

 

During the writing training session, Mr. Cheng Wai-keung, a psychological counselor from the Infant and Toddler Psychological Development Association, mentioned the common struggles children face when learning to write in K2.

 

“He can never write within the lines, everything ends up ‘flying’!”

“His letters always go beyond the boxes; usually, one letter ‘bullies’ two boxes!”

“He often skips lines or boxes while writing.”

“It seems like he lacks strength when writing, the writing is so light that it’s almost invisible!”

 

These are typical scenarios many children encounter when learning to write in K2. Writing requires a combination of various skills, with the most basic being the strength and flexibility of the small finger muscles (fine motor skills). Insufficient training in fine motor skills can lead to issues like weak or shaky handwriting. So, how can parents handle and train their children in this aspect? It’s simple—start by letting them play with clay, playdough, flour, and other similar materials from a young age.

 

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Furthermore, visual spatial awareness and eye control are also crucial for handwriting. Engaging in general ball activities is excellent for training these skills. Tracking the ball visually and making contact (or kicking) the ball is a natural and fun way to practice. Additionally, activities like spot the difference games (finding variances in two pictures) and maze games (first visually finding the way out, then connecting the lines with a pen) can also enhance eye control abilities.

 

Hand-eye coordination is vital during handwriting practice and should not be overlooked! Activities like bean bag tossing, fishing games, pouring water exercises, and paper cutting can greatly improve hand-eye coordination.

 

When should these games be introduced, and how long should they be practiced daily? Ideally, parents can start playing these games with their children when they understand and are capable of playing. It’s crucial to base the duration of play on the child’s willingness. If a child loses interest, parents should switch activities rather than enforcing a specific time frame. The author believes that through daily play, children can naturally acquire skills, preventing issues from arising, rather than resorting to remedial exercises. Otherwise, even the most enjoyable games can become tedious and burdensome, leading to more suffering than enjoyment.