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父母如何向小朋友表達愛?

家長錦囊

4-9

資料來源:親職教育專家Ken Sir

父母可能會擔心對孩子表達過多的愛,會造成溺愛,因而不懂如何對孩子表達愛。一般而言,中國人較為內斂,對愛的表現很多時候都不敢說出來。尤其當你本來想表達你很緊張他,但往往變成另一種態度。

有次我在沙田見到一個媽媽和她的小朋友走失了,然後再重聚,重聚後媽媽的表現是怎樣呢?就是捉著他的手打他  ,一邊打一邊説:「我剛剛見不到你,你知不知道我很害怕。我很擔心你,見不到你怎麽辦呀?」

其實大家都知道媽媽是愛他的,但小朋友就感受不到。我經常在講座分享一個例子去表達愛,就是在我小時候爸爸叫了一杯飲料,因為當時錢不多,當叫完一杯熱飲後就問侍應多拿一個杯子。在我面前不停把飲料倒來倒去,想盡快把飲料弄涼,讓小朋友喝的時候不會燙傷嘴巴,而且可以快點喝得到,但我發現如果當小朋友問父母的時候或我問過很多學生的父母,他們都是會答:「這樣會快點變涼。」

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家長在回應小朋友時應該表達最深的層次,就是因為我愛你,我不愛你我怎麽會做這事情呢?難道我為旁邊那個做?為旁邊的小朋友做嗎?所以其實我們在生活上很多事情可以表達愛,但有一種事一定要記住,如果你害怕造成溺愛,一定要切記以下兩點。

第一點小朋友可以做到的事,應該要讓他做,你不應該爭著做。第二點就是小朋友犯錯,我們要指正他。在指正的過程中,盡量用到溫柔而堅定,需要嚴肅的時候要嚴肅。但要提醒小朋友記著要説上解決方法,而不是只說NO,只說不對。這樣的話,小朋友是不會進步的。

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What should I do when confronted with dishonesty in children?

Parenting Tips

4-1

Written by: Family Dynamics Psychological Counselor, Lai Shun Mei

Every time a child does homework, he or she falsely claims to have a stomachache, to go to the bathroom, or to go to sleep. Thousands of lies and excuses. Parents who value character development are naturally outraged because they have zero tolerance for dishonesty in their children. But why do children always avoid doing their homework? Why do they have to lie to cover it up?

Often, children avoid doing homework not because they don’t want to, but because they can’t. Children want to be good and smart, but when they find out they can’t do their homework, they think they are not smart enough. They can’t accept this and will lie to cover it up and avoid it. Generally speaking, children with normal intelligence but learning disabilities will have their academic performance affected to some degree, but they can excel in other areas as well. And regardless of their intelligence level, as long as they use the right approach, coupled with the right amount of training, they can also build the corresponding ability.

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But why do people lie? When a person feels that he or she is in an uncomfortable situation, he or she will activate the defense mechanism to protect himself or herself. Lying is one of the ways to cope with a crisis by avoiding it. If parents want to help their children, they should allow them to tell the truth so that they can understand what their children really don’t understand.

How do you instill in children the courage to speak the truth? You have to let your child know that even if he is not smart enough, you will still love him so much, take him as your joy, be patient with him, and find ways to help him solve his problems together, thus building up his sense of security and making him feel at ease to reveal his inner uncertainties and difficulties. On the contrary, if his experience makes him think that he is not smart enough, which will lead to his mother’s anger and complaints, he will not dare to tell the truth and even activate his self-protection mechanism to protect himself with lies that adults can uncover at first glance.

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At this point, the child will not only fail to protect himself but will also get into more trouble because the mother will be rehabilitated and will take the initiative to admit her mistake and promise not to lie again. But in fact, his homework difficulties are not resolved, creating a vicious cycle. Therefore, we encourage parents to learn to accept their children’s shortcomings so that they will have confidence in you and feel safe to open up to you.

面對小朋友不誠實的行為時該怎麼處理?

家長錦囊

4-1

資料來源:家庭動力心理輔導員   賴舜薇

小朋友每次做功課,都訛稱自己肚痛、要上洗手間或想睡覺,千萬種謊言與藉口。重視品格培養的家長自然會感到嬲怒,因為他們對子女不誠實的行為都是零容忍的。但為甚麼孩子總是逃避做功課?為甚麼他們又要以謊言去掩飾呢?

小朋友逃避做功課,很多時不是他們不願意做,而是做不到。小朋友都會希望自己又乖巧又聰明,但當他們發現自己做不到功課,便會認為自己不夠聰明。他無法接受,便會以說謊來掩飾和逃避。一般而言,智力正常但有學習障礙的小朋友,他們的學業表現都會受到一定程度的影響,但在其他方面,他們一樣可以表現出色。而且不論他們智力水平高低,只要使用對的方法,加上適量訓練,他們亦能建立相應能力。

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但人為甚麼會說謊呢?當一個人覺得自己處於不安的環境時,便會啟動防衛機制保護自己。而說謊便是其中一種以逃避方式來應對危機的表現。如果家長希望幫到子女,便要讓他勇於說真話,這樣家長才能理解子女真正不明白的地方。

如何令子女勇於說真說話?你要讓子女知道,即使他不夠聰明,你依然會這麼愛她,以他為喜樂,對他有耐性,並且會一起想辦法協助他解決困難,從而建立他的安全感,讓他安心透露內心的不明白與困難。但相反,若其經驗令他認為因他不夠聰明,會引來媽媽對他發脾氣及埋怨,他便不敢說真話,甚至啟動自我保護機制,用大人一看便能拆穿的謊言保護自己。

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這時候孩子不但無法保護自己,更會惹來更大的麻煩,因為媽媽會更生氣,便會主動認錯,又會承諾不再說謊。惟事實上,他功課的困難並未解決,形成造成惡性循環。因此,我們鼓勵家長學習接納子女的不足,令子女對你有信心,覺得安全,自然對你敞開心扉。

Does the child cry non-stop when they are a little dissatisfied?

Parenting Tips

3-9

Source:Family Dynamic, Psychotherapist, Lai Shun Mei

Sometimes, children may cry when they are slightly dissatisfied, and parents may have tried different methods to comfort their children, but the children still cry from time to time. This may make parents feel tired, helpless, and even annoyed. In fact, children’s crying is usually a way of expressing their emotions. Because their language is not yet developed enough to convey a complete story, their own feelings, and some thoughts, they will use the most direct or fastest way to seek help when they are unhappy, which is to cry, just like when they were infants.

Let’s not assume that just because children can walk, talk, and go to school, we need to talk to them more about reasoning. In fact, in the preschool years, parents should provide more emotional support to their children. Maslow, a well-known psychologist, came up with the five-level theory of human needs. The levels are physiological, safety, social, esteem, and self-actualization. As children’s cognitive development matures, they have already reached the third level of social needs, which is love and a sense of belonging.

At this time, they need to feel the care and love from people around them, and they begin to recognize their own emotions. Therefore, if parents can help them express their emotions and thoughts, not only will their language skills improve, but their social needs will also be met.

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When we see a child crying, we as parents can say something like this to them: “You seem very unhappy; maybe you don’t like it when mommy talks to you in a harsh tone.” “Your little brother took your toy without asking, which made you angry.” If you can speak accurately to the child’s feelings, they will quickly nod and stop crying. Over time, they will learn to use other means to express themselves instead of crying.

Some parents may wonder why their usually talkative kids can’t say what they’re feeling when they’re sad. This is because emotions can affect rational thinking. If I asked you to give a speech on stage right now, how would you feel? You may feel nervous or even a little scared, and if I don’t give you time to prepare, you may not be able to say a word. You can see that emotions can affect adults, let alone children.

So, as parents, we should first calm down and then carefully watch and try to figure out why our kids are crying. Then, put yourself in their shoes and express your thoughts and emotions. This way, the child will not cry anymore.

小朋友有少少不滿就哭泣不停?

家長錦囊

3-9

資料來源:家庭動力心理輔導員賴舜薇

小朋友有時候可能因為少少不滿,就會哭起來,家長可能已經用了很多不同的方法來安慰自己的小朋友,但他還是時不時便哭起來。這樣爸爸媽媽可能已經覺得很累 ,有一點無助和不知道怎麼辦,甚至覺得有一點煩擾。其實通常來說小朋友的哭泣,是一種情緒的表達。因為他們的語言未可以豐富到講一件完整的事情、他自己的感受和一些的想法,所以他們在不開心的時候就會沿用他們嬰兒時期,最直接或者最快會得到救助的一種方式來表達,就是哭泣。

我們不要以為他們懂得行、懂得走和上了學,我們就需要和他講多一些道理。其實相反在幼兒期的小朋友,家長應該和他們做多一些情感支援。著名的心理學家馬斯洛提出,人類需求的五層次理論,分別是生理需求、安全需求、社會需求、尊重需求和自我實現需求。隨著小朋友的心智成熟,他們已經去到第三層的社會需求,亦即是愛和歸屬感。

在這個時候他是需要感受,身邊的人對他的關愛,並且他開始認識自己的情緒。所以在這一個階段如果父母可以協助他,幫他們能說一些情緒和想法。不但他們的語言表達能力可以提升,他們的社會需求亦會得到滿足。

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看到小朋友哭泣的時候,我們家長可以這樣跟他說:「你很不開心似的,原來你不喜歡媽媽這麼惡跟你說話。「弟弟沒有問過你便拿了你的玩具玩,令你生氣。」如果你說中小朋友的心聲,其實很快會點一下頭和很快不會再哭起來,慢慢他們學識了這種表達方式,他們便不需要用哭泣來表達自己。

 有一些家長可能便會問:「平日小朋友牙尖嘴利很會說話,但為何有些不開心,他們便說不出來?」其實這是情緒,對人理性思維的影響。假如我邀請你上台做一個演說,你現在是甚麼感覺?你可能會緊張甚至有一點害怕,如果我不給予時間你作準備,這樣可能你連一句說話也說不出。這樣你會看見大人都會受情緒的影響,更何況是小朋友。

所以在小朋友不開心的時候,我們作為家長首先放平和自己的心情,然後耐心觀察和分析他們哭泣的原因。再嘗試站在他們的立場,說出他們的想法和情緒,這樣小朋友便不會再哭泣。

2021 Hong Kong Awards for Environmental Excellence and the “Best Green Education Initiative Award”

The School is honored to receive the Certificate of Merit of “2021 Hong Kong Awards for Environmental Excellence” and the “Best Green Education Initiative Award” (Outstanding Award) from the Environmental Campaign Committee in recognition of our exceptional efforts in the field of environmental protection. The School remains committed to promoting environmental education so children can learn to respect, appreciate, and cherish nature and the surrounding environment.

「聖誕節樂滿FUN」及「送虎迎兔賀新年」

本校於早前舉行「聖誕節樂滿FUN」及「送虎迎兔賀新年」活動,與幼兒歡度聖誕和新年。

小朋友穿上富節日特色的衣服,投入進行遊戲,表現興奮。

請大家一起欣賞當日的活動花絮。

1️⃣ K1「聖誕節樂滿FUN」活動花絮: https://fb.watch/pnhtU23Wo6/

2️⃣ K2「聖誕節樂滿FUN」活動花絮: https://fb.watch/pnhrplgGpd/

3️⃣K3「聖誕節樂滿FUN」活動花絮: https://fb.watch/pnhneBoUIQ/

4️⃣K1「送虎迎兔賀新年」活動花絮: https://fb.watch/pnhj5to7Wp/

5️⃣K2「送虎迎兔賀新年」活動花絮: https://fb.watch/pnhcz3WuOC/

6️⃣K3「送虎迎兔賀新年」活動花絮: https://fb.watch/pnctENJHEU/

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有關「2021香港環境卓越大獎(學校界別)」及「最佳環境教育方案大奬」事宜

本校很榮幸獲得由環境運動委員會主辦「2021香港環境卓越大獎(學校界別)」的優異獎以及「最佳環境教育方案大奬」的傑出獎殊榮,以表揚本校在環保方面的突出表現。本校將繼續致力推行環保教育,培養幼兒尊重、欣賞和珍惜身邊環境和大自然。

How should parents deal with young children who are overly addicted to cell phone games?

Parenting Tips

3-1

Source: Family Dynamic, Marriage and Family Therapist, and Hypnotherapist, Wong Shi Ming

Phones emit light and sound, which always attracts children to play endlessly. Some children cannot let go of their phones no matter what they are doing, whether it is eating, riding in a car, or going to school. How can parents solve this problem?

First of all, everyone should understand that the children’s reaction is inevitable. Phones can provide a lot of sensory stimulation, and there is no game over. It can be restarted, which gives a sense of accomplishment and can also distance children from the pressure and frustration of parents and school, making them feel invincible. Physiologically speaking, playing electronic games will release a large amount of dopamine in the brain, which excites and stimulates the frontal lobe, and gradually loses self-control. Therefore, many adults cannot control themselves, let alone children?

Children can also be drawn to phones without realizing it, which gives most parents in Hong Kong nightmares today. I see many parents and children caught in a never-ending cycle of struggle and frustration. If not controlled, it not only affects children’s learning but also seriously affects their focus, brain development, health, and eye diseases. Therefore, phone addiction will also be listed as a form of psychological addiction, like alcohol and drugs.

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In fact, I have seen a middle school student addicted to playing the mobile game “PUBG,” where he had to pick up items on the ground, some of which could be booby-trapped and explode. What caused him to be hospitalized? He was unable to use his hands to hold objects; instead, he had to touch them lightly, which caused him to feel nervous. He was afraid of using his fingers to pick up things. Therefore, if you discover such a problem, you can handle it early and prevent situations like the one above from happening.

Parents have more experience, wisdom, and resources than their children, and you can’t lose as a parent. Your only weakness is that you love your child too much. You may be too soft-hearted, but you need to know that it’s easy to give but hard to take it back. Therefore, parents should first negotiate a reasonable and feasible plan with their children, such as allowing 30 minutes of playtime per day, but only after they finish their homework.

As for controlling children, parents should first choose an appropriate battlefield, avoiding public places, and the best place is at home. Even when taking the phone away, parents should try to avoid physical contact, such as snatching or unplugging the phone cord, which could harm the relationship with their child. Parents should first use a gentle and affirmative tone to warn their child multiple times. If the child still refuses to hand over the phone, remind him of the consequences he agreed to, and eventually, when he falls asleep, you will be able to retrieve it. But parents must firmly execute the consequences without any room for negotiation, even if it means resorting to negative strategies.

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To provide a more positive approach, parents can offer opportunities for their children to engage in outdoor activities together and create a family environment that gives children options, a sense of achievement, and a chance to start over, building their confidence and abilities, all of which can help attract children away from their phones.

Finally, many parents worry that if their child doesn’t have a phone while other children do, it could lead to feelings of inadequacy and concerns about falling behind in their development. So, I know it’s not possible to keep kids away from phones completely, but I think parents should try to keep their kids away from phones for as long as possible, especially when they’re young.

At the same time, parents should be careful and not take this issue lightly. With enough creativity and interaction with their children and by remaining persistent, parents can change their children’s habits.

小朋友過分沉迷手機遊 家長要如何處理?

家長錦囊

3-1

資料來源:家庭動力婚姻及家庭治療師、催眠治療師黃思明

電話發出光芒與聲音,總會吸引小朋友玩過不停。有些小朋友無論甚麼時候,不論是吃飯、搭車和上學,都機不離手。家長可以如何解決這問題呢?

首先,大家要明白小朋友的反應是必然的,手機可以提供很多感官的刺激,也沒有gameover,可以重新開始,有成功感,也可以遠離父母、學校的壓力和挫敗感,根本就是無敵。從生理學來說,玩電子遊戲是會令大腦釋放大量的多巴胺,給前額葉皮層令人興奮、刺激,並漸漸會失去了自我控制能力,所以有很多成人都不能夠控制,何況小朋友呢?

小朋友也會不自覺被吸引,造成現在香港大部分父母的惡夢。我看見很多父母和小朋友,都陷入一個無窮的鬥爭和挫敗。如果不加以控制,不單止對小朋友的學習有影響,更嚴重是會影響他們的專注力、腦袋的發展、健康和眼睛的疾病。因此手機成癮也將會像酒和毒品一樣,被列為其中一種心理成癮病。

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事實上我曾見過一個初中生,他沉迷打野戰遊戲「食雞」,他時時要在地上執起一些物資,但這些物資有時候會有陷阱會爆炸的。他入醫院的原因是甚麼?

是他不能用手拿著東西,他可以碰下碰下,他會很緊張。因為只要他用手指拿東西就會很害怕。所以你現在發現問題,便可以早些處理,避免出現以上情況。

 家長比孩子有更加多經驗、智慧及資源,你不可能會輸的,你唯一的弱點就是你太愛他。你會心軟,要知道給很容易要收卻很難,所以家長應該要先和小朋友協商一個合理可行的方案,譬如一日可玩30分鐘,但要先完成家課。

至於控制小朋友,首先要選擇適合的戰埸,不要在公眾場所,最合適的就是在家中。即使收也要盡量避免身體接觸,好像搶、拔電線這些應該要盡量避免,因為會傷感情。家長要先用溫柔肯定的語調,警告他很多次。如果他還不肯交出,你便要提醒孩子他已經同意的後果,到最後他睡了你一定可以收到的。但就要堅持堅定執行後果,沒有商量的餘地,這些就是較為負面的策略。

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更正面的是為小朋友提供,可以吸引他離開手機的機會,例如和小朋友一起進行戶外活動,提供一個家庭環境,給小朋友有得選擇、有成功感、有重新開始的機會,建立他的自信和能力。

最後很多父母因為其他小朋友有手機,如果自己的沒有,擔心小朋友有比較

甚至會引起自卑,有些擔心小朋友會比其他人學得慢,將來可能會影響他的發展。因此我知道現實是不可能不給小朋友接觸手機的,所以我提議愈小愈應該避免使用手機,盡量拖遲他們進入這個世界。

同時家長也要把握機會小心處理,不可以掉以輕心。只要父母夠創意,多些和小朋友有互動和陪伴,夠堅持便可以改變小朋友。